


Five of the Countless Times George Spiggott Took Part in a Competition

by Ilthit



Category: Bedazzled (1967)
Genre: 5 Times, Deal with a Devil, Gen, Mythology - Christian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 10:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1979706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilthit/pseuds/Ilthit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief "five times" fic for my Gilly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five of the Countless Times George Spiggott Took Part in a Competition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tootsiemuppet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tootsiemuppet/gifts).



> Content warning for graphic violence in #4.

1\. They always tried to beat him, which was what made tempting souls so tediously predictable. Still he supposed it was more entertaining than blind compliance - which was just another thing he and God disagreed on.

"That’s a good one," he told Marie. "You’ll be fabulously wealthy, adored by the aristocracy, married to a young king, and will never grow old. Done!"

-

2\.  Few people realized just how large a number 100 billion was. The way George reckoned it, he’d got nearly everyone who had ever lived. God, curse his ineffable arse, had to have rigged the game somehow. Then again, what else was there to do? 

-

3\. The problem with losing to an omnipresent, all-powerful entity who could end your entire world faster than you could snap your fingers was finding someone else to torture for it. In the vast world, there were still so few whose suffering did anything but bore George. He couldn’t touch Stanley anymore, but he damn well could have Margaret. Even the sweetest creature had a weakness; sometimes it was sweetness itself. 

After a few years - like seconds in his vast lifetime - in their little cottage in the countryside, George started to wonder if it wasn’t she who had somehow won after all.

-

4\. Sometimes he played chess with Lust, Envy or Avarice without cheating. Sometimes he lost. They were nearly as old as he was, after all, and there was nothing so motivating as a good thrashing, even if it did make him want to burn out their eyes and pour vinegar in the sockets.

-

5\. “Nonsense, Stanley. You can’t be  _made into_  an angel. I would be doing that piece of superstition a service to even call it apocryphal. It’s all Hollywood.”

"So you’re saying God, the almighty Creator of all that is, including yours truly and yourself, can’t make up his own rules?"

George regarded the little man coldly. He was wearing the robe alright. He could tell celestial fabric from plain old earth fabric. It was the special tingle of self-satisfaction. ”All right, then,” said George. “Where do we start?”


End file.
